


Expectations

by sariloire



Series: Ashae Lavellan [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5336663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sariloire/pseuds/sariloire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas reflects on expectations he can never meet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expectations

“Are you getting married, Inquisitor?”

When the question reached his ears, Solas stopped walking and took a step back. The doorway between his rotunda and the main hall blocked the speakers from view, but their voices carried through the mostly empty hall.

“Why do you ask?” Her voice was light, but Solas heard just a tiny lift of hope in the way she responded to the question. His heart tightened as he gripped his hands together behind his back.

“Well, I cannot pretend that your relationship with the apostate-“

“Solas.” Ashae’s voice cut through the heavy Orlesian accent, making Solas jump slightly, thinking he had been spotted. “His name is Solas.”

“Of course, Inquisitor. My apologies. As I was saying, your relationship with  _Solas_ has not gone unnoticed. I’ve heard rumors floating around both Skyhold and Val Royeaux that the Inquisitor was seen looking at wedding gowns last month during her trip.”

His mouth was unusually dry as Ashae fumbled for words to excuse herself from the conversation and to adequately deny the accusations. He had been there, with her, at Val Royeaux the previous month. They had spent the morning leisurely walking through the streets looking at shops, until their clasped hands had parted long enough for Solas to look into a new shop that was packed with books.

Ashae had went further on her own, and when he had found her half an hour later in a clothing shop, her hands were wistfully trailing down the hem of a long, ivory dress.

Solas had taken a step back then as well, preferring to not let Ashae know she had been caught in that private moment. He knew it would bring awkwardness to their outing, besides the fact that, for once, he didn’t have a response to what he had just witnessed.

He had made his way back around the corner to an open-air café of sorts, and sat at a table with the new book he had purchased. But his eyes slid over the words without really reading them, until a low voice spoke from the chair at his side.

“Causing more hurt, more pain, every time I see her I know I must end it. But I can’t. I can’t. Losing her would-“

“Cole, please.” Solas had closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. The spirit meant well, as always, but at times his words were too difficult to hear.

“I could have it all, I could let go. I have her. Ma vhenan. She is enough.”

Solas didn’t tell him to stop, his hands clenched on the open book, pushing away the thoughts so that the spirit would quit speaking them.

They had sat in silence for several minutes, and Solas had once again attempted to read the book. When Cole started speaking again, Solas was prepared to tell him to stop, until he looked up to see that the spirit was not watching him, but looking across the courtyard to where the familiar blonde elf was scanning the crowd for him.

“She longs for things she shouldn’t want. Ma sa’lath. Things she knows she can’t hope for yet.” Ashae’s attention had been caught by a young man and woman passing by, the man leaning over to press a kiss to the baby cradled in the woman’s arms. “She believes she is hiding it, that you do not see.”

Cole turned his gaze back to Solas, unblinking. “She doesn’t know that you want the same things, does she?”

“No, Cole, she does not.” Solas had closed his book, standing up from the table. “And I can only request that you do not share it with her. This is not something you can heal.”  


* * *

  
Solas opened his eyes, turning and walking back to his desk in the rotunda. Cole had been right, as the spirit always was. The thought of the future he could have with Ashae if he let go of his duty was enough to bring a lump of emotion to his throat, taking his breath away.

But he could not.

He could not.

“Ir abelas, vhenan.”

 


End file.
